Anxiety and...me

I believe that everybody has a little bit of anxiety, lack of confidence or fear of embarrassing themselves. I think everyone gets worried, nervous or anxious about something at some point in their lifetime. 

However sometimes these anxious feelings can consume people; they can become paralyzed with fear, the little part of their brain that says "oh for goodness sake just do it!" is overshadowed by the booming voice in their heads that says "but you can't, you're too weak, too awkward, you'll only embarrass yourself" 

I know because sometimes it happens to me. 

It's hard to explain to others how difficult it can be; how frustrated I am with myself  for listening to the voice that says "you can't." It's hard to put into words that sometimes I don't want to go out because people can be overwhelming. It's hard to explain why I'm afraid to answer the phone or open the door. 

There can be times where I  can deal with the anxiety that I feel. I can go for weeks without even being phased but during most weeks there are good days and bad days. 

The bad days;

 

Days when  walking through the door first out of my  friends is one of the most daunting tasks in the world, days where I  would rather my  head fell off than have to order food at a restaurant or days when I'd  have to convince myself to get out of my bed let alone my house.

The good days;

Days when I want to throw a party because I ordered in a cafe, days when I want to shout to the world that I was  able to start the conversation first or days when I  feel like I  deserve an award because I replied with more than one word answers.

...

When I have a good day, I feel great, excited and even proud. I don't feel bad to celebrate having a good day; I even write it down so I can look at it when I have a not so good day. 

And when I have a bad day it's just one little thing can make an OK mood come crashing down. A switch flicks, I focus on the bad stuff. Being in an overcrowded area. Driving long distances or to new places,  Having to do something/go somewhere by myself or where 

 I feel uncomfortable. Even going to church, where I do feel comfortable,  

Anything that leads to a panic attack, causing more panic.

I've learned there are some things that cause me to panic and I try not to put myself in those situations, but mostly it just creeps up and I have to deal with it then and there. 

For me, I try to find a big space; this makes me feel like I can ESCAPE. The (usually) cool breeze on my face makes me feel like I am NOT trapped. The open air helping me breathe deep...all the oxygen in the world! 

It's different for everybody. 

Find what works, try different things and hopefully something will help.

Don't bottle things up and don't feel ashamed to admit when you're proud of yourself!